I had a miscarriage. Now what?

Okay, I had a miscarriage. Now what?

Experiencing a miscarriage is often not something people plan for or expect. On the flip side, those of us who feel plagued with infertility may be crippled with anxiety for fear of miscarriage. It took so long to get pregnant, what if it does not stick? Let’s explore this a bit more and understand some steps that you can take if you have had a history of miscarriage.

What happened, did I cause this?

The first thing to know is that miscarriage is never your fault. Depending on the timing of the miscarriage, we can better uncover the likely cause. Many, if not most, are related to genetic abnormalities. Your body realizes that due to genetic issues, this child would not be able to survive outside of the uterus or will have many complications. Sometimes the medical description of this is titled ‘not compatible with life.’ That being said, other issues such as clotting disorders, hormonal disorders, and autoimmune disorders can also contribute.

Reasons for miscarriage based on timing

4 to 5 weeks: chemical pregnancy, genetic issues, clotting issues, implantation issues, or low progesterone.
5 to 10 weeks:  genetic issues and low progesterone.
10 weeks +: autoimmune disorders, anatomical issues, genetic issues, and clotting factors are often to blame.

How long do I have to wait after miscarriage to try and conceive?

Different providers will make different recommendations based on their experience. However, your body will be able to get pregnant again when it is ready. I often run lab work after miscarriage to make sure we are not missing anything obvious as a cause. Sometimes I recommend different supplementation or hormonal support depending on the case. Usually, your healthcare provider will tell you to start trying to conceive after you have had 1 or 2 regular menstrual cycles.

The Role of Working with a Fertility Consultant

My background as a board-certified nurse practitioner, endurance as someone who experienced infertility and miscarriage, and belief in holistic treatment make me an excellent guide during this time. We work to make sure that you are optimizing your fertility health, addressing any underlying health issues to minimize their impact on your fertility, and assessing lifestyle factors. We then make a tailored plan for you and your partner to ensure that your body is getting everything that it needs to support conception and carrying to term. Sometimes we get lab work after a positive pregnancy test to ensure that everything is looking well and make recommendations on supplementation or prescription medications necessary.

Empowering Steps Towards Healing

Miscarriage is incredibly common, but that does not mean it is not devastating and painful. They can be really difficult to process while still maintaining your relationships, professional life, friendships, and all aspects of your life.

I encourage clients to seek counseling for support. Check with your insurance to determine if anybody close by is in-network. Sometimes interviewing people is necessary to find the right counselor. It can be annoying, but when you find the right counselor or therapist, you will be grateful. I always tell my patients when interviewing healthcare providers, you do not like everybody and everybody does not like you, and that is okay. That just means you may have to wait a little longer to find your person.

Be comfortable asking for what you need from your friendships and relationships.
Be comfortable saying no to things that do not feel like they are serving you. For instance, if you were supposed to attend a baby shower or birthday party, and it just seems too painful, politely inform the host that you just do not have the capability or bandwidth to attend, or whatever feels right based on the situation.

Feel all the feels. Some people still think of their miscarriage many years past. They may celebrate or mourn the life of their lost child. I will be totally honest, I rarely think of this time anymore. This is my case, which doesn’t make it right or wrong. It just is. Don’t beat yourself up either way. I wanted to move on, so I worked until I couldn’t. I stayed busy. And I cried a lot.

It’s not your fault, and you’re not alone.
One thing I usually talk about is how the healthcare provider at the hospital where I had a miscarriage told me, "It probably was not your fault." Miscarriage is never your fault. This is still what I think about the most, how she made me feel even worse in a time that was overwhelmingly emotionally painful.

I also think about how I probably have said some really cringey things to patients over the years. Doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants are all just people. We do our best to help others, but sometimes we get mixed up in our words, we have our own things going on making it difficult to care for others, or we become calloused over the years.

How a Fertility Consultant Can Help

If you have experienced miscarriage or recurrent miscarriage, I help people make sure that they have been worked up correctly and extensively. If you would like to set up a free consultation on how to decrease your risk for miscarriage, I would love to help you turn things around so that you can be holding your sweet baby ASAP.